Zoolander Lessons for Huntographers

   Zoolander may be one of the most ridiculous movies ever created and I, for one, never believed one could really take anything away from it, let alone a lesson about hunting.  With its walk-offs, freak gasoline fight accidents, orange mocha frappachinos, centers for "kids who can't read good and want to do other stuff good too", inabilities to turn left, gigantic male model egos and a heavy helping of some of the dumbest things you never wanted to hear come out of anyone's mouth, Zoolander is not a source of scholar nor moral fiber.  I, however, am shamed to say that this movie was the first thing I thought of when I first began preparing for Rudy, owner and operator of Huntography, to film every moment of my hunting day.

    Huntography is Rudy's baby, his project which exists in order to show how real hunters hunt, not the tanned, product-placement masters who dominate the majority of outdoor TV today. Rudy came to me earlier this year, when I first began my Twitter account.  He had sent me a message asking if I would like to be filmed while hunting.  At that time, being so new to the game, I was wary of what this entailed.  Would I have to travel? Is this going to be on TV? Will I come off like those huntresses on TV who I in no way connect with? I wanted to say no, but my fingers, knowing a good thing when they sense it, typed three little letters, Y-E-S.

   Months passed and I forgot entirely about the project. I was busy dealing with companies closing, the loss of my salary, DU's college graduation and the tribulations that go hand-in-hand with raising three crack addled dogs.  Huntography, in its vain but persistent attempt to catch my attention through the caterwauling of the rest of my life, finally won its chance in the spotlight when Rudy announced his 2011 specimens in June.  Although the little thought painstakingly had his center stage, the rest of his brethren were scattered about around him, screaming for me to attend to their need too.  Apologizing to the dear little thought, I patted him on the head then turned my attention to another lost job, another deficient bank account and more canine drama.  That is, until now.

   I am a mere two weeks from being filmed by Rudy which, of course, propelled the little thought forward, sharing center stage with an equally important interview*.  Huntography 2011 has already kicked off, visiting my Twitterbuddy, Michele and her husband, which means that I have a lot of cleaning to do.  While sitting at my kitchen table, dogs besprinkled about my feet, making my list of things to do (ie: clean up house, make basement look presentable, have a stern talking to with the dogs to implore them not to shed as Rudy's allergic, make house look fall festive, if budget allows, lose 15 pounds, get hair done, if budget allows, figure out menu, set up hunting land, sight in bow, and force myself to clean my study.), my mind began to drift, thinking about Zoolander.

   Zoolander, if you haven't seen it, why would you, really when it is just a gigantic, glitter and couture filled train wreak that you cannot tear your retinas away from, is about a male model.  The male model is breathtakingly stunning but equally phlegmatic.  He harbors an inability to turn left, a coal miner father who simply does not understand his chosen career path and a signature look dubbed "Blue Steel".  The story doesn't really make any sense and ends with the rescue of the leader of Micronesia via  Zoolander's divine ability to suddenly turn left and produce "Magnum", a look that sends out blue hues which somehow stops a razor form killing the prime minister. At this time, you should be asking yourself how this has anything to do with Huntography and if you're not, then you know me all too well.

   At one point, early in the movie, Zoolander is asked "Ahh... Derek, I don't know if you're familiar with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold... It's the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. I'm mean what are your thoughts on that, as someone who gets his picture taken for a living?" . Zoolander, of course answers like a muttonhead, "Well, I guess I have to answer your question, with another question... How many abadigitals do you see modeling!?".  This question struck me as thought provoking so, as any former English major would do, I began researching this quandary.  It seems that many Native American tribes still refuse to be photographed.  Even Crazy Horse, a legendary Native American, never was photographed while still breathing.  This routes back from a superstition surrounding mirrors.  Those who refuse to look at a mirror, or even a mirror image of one's self on paper, view the reflective surface as the perfect platform to steal souls.  In many cultures, the soul is believed to have thirteen parts, each of which can be damaged or wholly removed when a picture is taken.  In addition, some cultures see pictures as a Voodoo tool, since a likeness can act as a catalyst for witchcraft.  Photography, to many aboridinal tribes, should be seen with "distrust...photography, more than any other art form, has the ability to capture a living elemnt of life, a flashpoint of the soul."  This sounds all well and good to some but to others this means that "photographyic images capture an aspect of that lived moment, a reflection of reality...that would normally be lost to history... [this process] literally steal[s] a portion of life...[this] causes a degree of damage in the life force photographed".

   Obviously, beliefs such as those featured above would make anyone second guess the next time a flash bulb explodes.  However, as I sat, mulling over all that I had come to learn, I became aware of my life force, the thing that is inherently me.  I looked through the millions of photographs that I have been taken of me since even before I came into the world.  I then thought about my presence on camera, in a tree, living the life I adopted some years previous. I, after researching the phenomena covered, agree to some extent that photography cannot be trusted (especially for unfaithful husbands, private investigators and photo-shopped models).  I also accede the belief that photographs abduct an facet of a moment that cannot be lived again but I do not see that as something to be feared**.  Although one can argue that photos (especially those on Facebook posted the morning after extremely inebriated nights) can do a degree of damage to the soul, no disfigurement is ever done when the image captures something beautiful, earth shaking, and inherently real.

   I plan to bring this new found belief to the filming of my own Huntography. I will be myself, my strange, strange self. I will not hold back when I feel a hyena laugh or pig snort rumble from deep within.  I will clean my house, because really, it's more beautiful that way.  Most of all, I will present myself as the huntress that I am, the huntress that started this project because there was no commercialized huntress that I could relate. My dogs will act insane, partially rabid and oftentimes, downright puzzling. DU and I will banter, which will make the viewing audience believe that we cannot stand one another.  E4 will be E4, which is entertaining enough.  I will show the world my little life and hope y'all enjoy it.

    If y'all don't mind me cutting this little lesson short, I have a whole lot of super-important things to do.  I have less than two weeks to get my life prepared to be filmed, which, hopefully, after today, shouldn't take long at all.  Then again, maybe I'll just practice my own "Magnum".

*Interview time! Looks like I impressed the right people at the POPAT because I am onto the next step of the process, the interview and swim test.  Since a game warden spends the majority of his or her time on the water, it is imperative that an applicant have a thorough knowledge of water, as well as how to move in it.  Apparently, I have to swim from one end of the pool to the other, which shouldn't be a difficult task but after the initial test, I never know what to expect! Once I get word, y'all will be the first to know!
** Note: I am not Native American nor a member of any aboriginal tribe.  Hence, I was not brought up learning any lessons that are shared within a tribe so my views are simply based on the research I performed which was, I admit, not as thorough of an investigation as I am normally one to perform.  If you have any issues with my theories or research, please do not hesitate to e-mail me (huntlikeyourehungry@gmail.com) or comment below!